Week of stressΒ 

Hello! πŸ‘‹

So I had the most stressful week ever. Monday we had Amber back at the doctors after they found what they thought was a heart murmur but wondered if it was just because she was poorly. Turns out she does have one. So that needs investigated. Tuesday we were back at the specialist for her hip dysplasia, he gave us a date for her surgery. 8th May. So soon. He then told us she would be cast for 6 months. So long. I’m scared. I’m not going to lie. They want to have her heart checked out first though because obviously she is going to be put to sleep etc.  She’s going to hate the cast, she won’t sit still for ten minutes, how on earth is she going to cope? The surgery is supposed be at our local hospital, so long as her heart isn’t anything serious, then she’s going to have to have it done somewhere more specialist. I really need to learn to drive. On the Wednesday we saw the mythical being that is a ‘health visitor’ yes, I know your thinking ‘wow, really?’. They are pretty rarely seen creatures aren’t they? Well they are here. She knew absolutely nothing about Amber. She’s keeping her eye on her as apparently she’s behind on her speech. I’m not worried yet. 

Anyway, thankfully I’ve moved on from that week. I’m stressing about the upcoming ones but I’m trying my best. More importantly did you all have a good easter?! I’ve possibly gained another 6st. It’s the only day it’s acceptable to eat you’d weight in chocolate though. I mean I do everyday but on easter, it’s normal πŸ˜‚ I’ll leave you with a cute photo of my bunnies 😍🐰

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You are my sunshine πŸŒž

Isn’t it amazing how much better you feel when you get up and the sun it shining. It just makes you feel more positive. It’s odd. Good odd though. That’s how it was today. I was fed up of sitting in the house. The kids behaviour just escalates. I get it, it’s boredom. These walls drive me mad too! 

We decided to head out to the woods.  They have a big park, woodland walk and cafe. It’s so good for kids. If you’re in Northamptonshire then check out Fermyn/Brigstock woods. It’s a great day out. 

We sat in the park, it was so hot! Didn’t fancy practically killing myself on a walk about. We had a little picnic & let the kids run free. Well, that’s a bit much. With all the play equipment, slides, climbing frames and swings my two boys decided they were going to collect random gross things off the floor in their empty pringles tubs. WHY?! Children can be so strange. 

This is literally the best photo I got. Zane as per usual throwing his very normal moody face. I actually think he done it one day, the wind changed & now it’s stuck like that. Amber literally hated the sand. Loved the swings though. Could hear her giggling half way down the park. 

Oh and look what I got today… 

It’s hugeeeee! A friend was giving it away. I couldn’t let it go elsewhere so snapped it up. It will literally take up half of Amber’s room BUT every girl loves a dolls house right? I can’t wait to do it all up for her. I’m excited about this project! 😍

Outings..

Another school holiday. I never remember having this many when I was in school. I’ve got the usual ‘I’m bored!’ By 9am. The joys! Decided to take my eldest cinema. I promised I would, I was going to take both boys but the demon decided to take over one so just took Harley.  We had a 2 for 1 too so bonus! He decided we were going to watch smurfs. I was less than enthusiastic but sometimes you just got to grin and bare it haven’t you?! Although I did try one last ditch attempt at bribing him into seeing the new beauty at the beast when I seen it was playing at the same time. Safe to say, I failed. Smurfs it was. In 3D, cue headache. We did the whole oversized handbag full of smuggled treats too. I mean why do cinemas charge so much for food? You need a bloody mortgage just for a tub of popcorn! The film was actually really good. I was surprised. I thought the same about Angry birds too when they forced me into that. I have one confession though, the end is sad. I literally fought back tears. Yes, I nearly cried. Watching smurfs.  What have I become? πŸ˜‚

Now only another 2 weeks to try keep them entertained πŸ™ˆ

Playing on my mind.Β 

I don’t normally double post about topics. I feel I need too. This platform keeps me sane and I feel like my head is spinning. I’m a member on a popular premature baby page on Facebook.  The page has always scared me. It’s always made me feel that we got off lightly and that I was waiting for us to suffer problems from her being born so early. Bad isn’t it?! I never really saw positive posts there just all the poor children suffering illnesses or issues one after another. I feel like that time has hit us. I also feel like I’m being daft for thinking that. I mean we are still VERY lucky. There are worse problems. Part of me wants to fast forward the next few months to skip this whole hip dysplasia chapter of our lives. I don’t want my baby you go through pain. Who would? A selfish part of me wants it to go fast because honestly, I don’t know how I am going to cope. That makes me feel horrible. I shouldnt be thinking of me, i should be thinking of Amber. This journey scares me. The other part of me wants it to never ever come round. I joined a few support groups for it. The ladies really helped. Told me that the spica cast isn’t as terrifying as it looks (Google it! You’ll see why I find it daunting) but it’s still sending me sick with worry. She can’t have her nightly routine bath, can’t get it wet, can’t move about freely, how is she going to sleep? Don’t even get me started on the whole nappy thing. We will get through it, I know this & it is only going to be a few months of our lives, at least I hope so. I’m not even wanting to think about the possibility it doesn’t work. Especially if she has inherited her dad’s hypermobility too. That will make it incredibly more difficult. I’m scared of doing it by myself too, I mean I won’t, but my husband works a lot.  I’m scared incase I’ll absolutely suck at this, I’m worried her brothers will play me up. What if I can’t cope with them all? I’m also worried of her brothers feeling left out because she’s going to need extra care and attention. I’m going to bore you all with my posts on this. I apologise in advance. 

To top off my anxiety she woke up poorly today. The worst I’ve seen her. Luckily it wasn’t the chest infection I suspected but they said she seems to have a heart murmur. Could be down to her being poorly and we need to go back in a week. 

Can somebody give my baby a break?! 

We have a diagnoses…

This will be a short and sweet post. My head is pounding. I can barely look at my phone πŸ˜₯ 

My little princess has developmental dysplasia of the hip. It’s basically where the ball joint doesn’t sit in the hip properly and dislocates. Well from what I’ve read. The doctor told me to Google it. I know, they usually tell you not too!! It scared me so much so I had to stop. I’m back soon so I will ask questions then. She needs surgery too. I’m terrified, angry and confused. My poor baby. I’m mad it wasn’t spotted when she was born. She had hip scans etc with being premature and her dad having similar problems. I’m scared because nobody wants to see their baby in pain and the cast doesn’t look fun whatsoever. I’m confused with it all… I don’t know what happens really. I also feel guilty for not noticing it myself… I did read some reviews on it though, the positive comments from mums who have been through it helped me a lot.  I suppose time will tell. I will be strong for my daughter no matter what.

Hospital trips AGAIN

So my lack of posts have been due to my daughter being ill & as I’m sure you all would, she’s my first priority. I can only apologise. I always said my boys should have their own special room at the doctors, they were always there with bugs etc so much so that a doctor once questioned me! But they have absolutely nothing on my daughter. I think it’s down to her being a preemie. Doesn’t help that me and her dad were both children with constant medical issues. Usually it’s tonsillitis or ear infections with high temperatures but this time her leg seems to be in pain when moved a certain way. She literally breaks her heart. I took her to our walk in, we were there 4.5hours. She had an x-ray done. I got called back into the doctors room to be told that absolutely nobody in the surgery was qualified to look at a child’s x-ray.  WTF?! We were then sent over to A&E for another 2 hour wait for someone to look at an x-ray.  Don’t get me wrong Amber was loving it, she was getting attention from everyone! Anyway, they found nothing but she’s still in so much pain so I’m taking her back to see a gp. Another week wait. I just hope we get some answers soon!