Pre-Op

Yesterday was Pre-Op day. We also had Amber’s check up for her heart right after. I was nervous. It made it real. When we got there she was called into see the Physician Anesthesiologist (I won’t pretend I’m clever, I Googled ‘guy who puts you to sleep for an operation’ to get the correct terms 🙈) he went through A few questions with us and then we saw a nurse after. Neither of the two could answer my endless list of questions. I’m frustrated. I feel like I’m totally unprepared. It’s probably my anxiety but I feel like everything’s whizzing about and I can’t control a damn bit of it. I want to be able to make life easier for my little girl when she comes home and I can’t because I know nothing. We don’t even know if she will have to stay a night or two or not at all. Annoyed doesn’t even cut it.  To top it off too, apparently she doesn’t even have a heart murmur, that’s unofficial though but we will see. I kind of feel like I’ve failed her, I couldn’t carry her properly, she had to come into the world early fighting, now this. A child shouldn’t have to go through all this 😔 I hope I don’t come across as selfish when I say things like that. It doesn’t matter if I’m a failure or not really, I will keep doing my best for her. Always. It’s just how I feel. 

Anyway I’ll leave you with a photo of her whilst in the ward because she’s a beaut 😍 that little smiling innocent face has no idea of the tough journey she’s about to face…

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