Yesterday was Pre-Op day. We also had Amber’s check up for her heart right after. I was nervous. It made it real. When we got there she was called into see the Physician Anesthesiologist (I won’t pretend I’m clever, I Googled ‘guy who puts you to sleep for an operation’ to get the correct terms 🙈) he went through A few questions with us and then we saw a nurse after. Neither of the two could answer my endless list of questions. I’m frustrated. I feel like I’m totally unprepared. It’s probably my anxiety but I feel like everything’s whizzing about and I can’t control a damn bit of it. I want to be able to make life easier for my little girl when she comes home and I can’t because I know nothing. We don’t even know if she will have to stay a night or two or not at all. Annoyed doesn’t even cut it.  To top it off too, apparently she doesn’t even have a heart murmur, that’s unofficial though but we will see. I kind of feel like I’ve failed her, I couldn’t carry her properly, she had to come into the world early fighting, now this. A child shouldn’t have to go through all this 😔 I hope I don’t come across as selfish when I say things like that. It doesn’t matter if I’m a failure or not really, I will keep doing my best for her. Always. It’s just how I feel. 

Anyway I’ll leave you with a photo of her whilst in the ward because she’s a beaut 😍 that little smiling innocent face has no idea of the tough journey she’s about to face…


Week of stress 

Hello! 👋

So I had the most stressful week ever. Monday we had Amber back at the doctors after they found what they thought was a heart murmur but wondered if it was just because she was poorly. Turns out she does have one. So that needs investigated. Tuesday we were back at the specialist for her hip dysplasia, he gave us a date for her surgery. 8th May. So soon. He then told us she would be cast for 6 months. So long. I’m scared. I’m not going to lie. They want to have her heart checked out first though because obviously she is going to be put to sleep etc.  She’s going to hate the cast, she won’t sit still for ten minutes, how on earth is she going to cope? The surgery is supposed be at our local hospital, so long as her heart isn’t anything serious, then she’s going to have to have it done somewhere more specialist. I really need to learn to drive. On the Wednesday we saw the mythical being that is a ‘health visitor’ yes, I know your thinking ‘wow, really?’. They are pretty rarely seen creatures aren’t they? Well they are here. She knew absolutely nothing about Amber. She’s keeping her eye on her as apparently she’s behind on her speech. I’m not worried yet. 

Anyway, thankfully I’ve moved on from that week. I’m stressing about the upcoming ones but I’m trying my best. More importantly did you all have a good easter?! I’ve possibly gained another 6st. It’s the only day it’s acceptable to eat you’d weight in chocolate though. I mean I do everyday but on easter, it’s normal 😂 I’ll leave you with a cute photo of my bunnies 😍🐰

You are my sunshine ðŸŒž

Isn’t it amazing how much better you feel when you get up and the sun it shining. It just makes you feel more positive. It’s odd. Good odd though. That’s how it was today. I was fed up of sitting in the house. The kids behaviour just escalates. I get it, it’s boredom. These walls drive me mad too! 

We decided to head out to the woods.  They have a big park, woodland walk and cafe. It’s so good for kids. If you’re in Northamptonshire then check out Fermyn/Brigstock woods. It’s a great day out. 

We sat in the park, it was so hot! Didn’t fancy practically killing myself on a walk about. We had a little picnic & let the kids run free. Well, that’s a bit much. With all the play equipment, slides, climbing frames and swings my two boys decided they were going to collect random gross things off the floor in their empty pringles tubs. WHY?! Children can be so strange. 

This is literally the best photo I got. Zane as per usual throwing his very normal moody face. I actually think he done it one day, the wind changed & now it’s stuck like that. Amber literally hated the sand. Loved the swings though. Could hear her giggling half way down the park. 

Oh and look what I got today… 

It’s hugeeeee! A friend was giving it away. I couldn’t let it go elsewhere so snapped it up. It will literally take up half of Amber’s room BUT every girl loves a dolls house right? I can’t wait to do it all up for her. I’m excited about this project! 😍


Another school holiday. I never remember having this many when I was in school. I’ve got the usual ‘I’m bored!’ By 9am. The joys! Decided to take my eldest cinema. I promised I would, I was going to take both boys but the demon decided to take over one so just took Harley.  We had a 2 for 1 too so bonus! He decided we were going to watch smurfs. I was less than enthusiastic but sometimes you just got to grin and bare it haven’t you?! Although I did try one last ditch attempt at bribing him into seeing the new beauty at the beast when I seen it was playing at the same time. Safe to say, I failed. Smurfs it was. In 3D, cue headache. We did the whole oversized handbag full of smuggled treats too. I mean why do cinemas charge so much for food? You need a bloody mortgage just for a tub of popcorn! The film was actually really good. I was surprised. I thought the same about Angry birds too when they forced me into that. I have one confession though, the end is sad. I literally fought back tears. Yes, I nearly cried. Watching smurfs.  What have I become? 😂

Now only another 2 weeks to try keep them entertained 🙈