I don’t normally double post about topics. I feel I need too. This platform keeps me sane and I feel like my head is spinning. I’m a member on a popular premature baby page on Facebook. The page has always scared me. It’s always made me feel that we got off lightly and that I was waiting for us to suffer problems from her being born so early. Bad isn’t it?! I never really saw positive posts there just all the poor children suffering illnesses or issues one after another. I feel like that time has hit us. I also feel like I’m being daft for thinking that. I mean we are still VERY lucky. There are worse problems. Part of me wants to fast forward the next few months to skip this whole hip dysplasia chapter of our lives. I don’t want my baby you go through pain. Who would? A selfish part of me wants it to go fast because honestly, I don’t know how I am going to cope. That makes me feel horrible. I shouldnt be thinking of me, i should be thinking of Amber. This journey scares me. The other part of me wants it to never ever come round. I joined a few support groups for it. The ladies really helped. Told me that the spica cast isn’t as terrifying as it looks (Google it! You’ll see why I find it daunting) but it’s still sending me sick with worry. She can’t have her nightly routine bath, can’t get it wet, can’t move about freely, how is she going to sleep? Don’t even get me started on the whole nappy thing. We will get through it, I know this & it is only going to be a few months of our lives, at least I hope so. I’m not even wanting to think about the possibility it doesn’t work. Especially if she has inherited her dad’s hypermobility too. That will make it incredibly more difficult. I’m scared of doing it by myself too, I mean I won’t, but my husband works a lot. I’m scared incase I’ll absolutely suck at this, I’m worried her brothers will play me up. What if I can’t cope with them all? I’m also worried of her brothers feeling left out because she’s going to need extra care and attention. I’m going to bore you all with my posts on this. I apologise in advance.
To top off my anxiety she woke up poorly today. The worst I’ve seen her. Luckily it wasn’t the chest infection I suspected but they said she seems to have a heart murmur. Could be down to her being poorly and we need to go back in a week.
Can somebody give my baby a break?!